Arrived super early ) my passenger needed the loo, speed cameras suddenly became less scary!) so was able to get a place in the leisure centre car park and avoid the warm-up routine of clambering up the hill from one of the more distant locations and hence buggering any chance of a decent time. (Always assuming there was any chance to start with)

Was soon joined by the first four members of the newly formed mens team…all looking far too casual (roll on winter when Bermuda shorts can be put back into the attic hey Tim?) and a little worried that it may all have been a bit of a scam by Mr Harper…who was no where in sight. Dave Mounter was all present and correct as number 5 and at long last Chris and Carol arrived, so a team was in place.

We also had a ladies team as Carol C, Judy and Sandie were there to join me, although the fact that they were metaphorically flying the Carn flag did mean there was no one to do it in real life!

There was a good turnout for this notoriously tricky course, no doubt many people wanting to say they had been there at the end…..a bit like watching the last ever Friends or Lost even though you had given up on the series years ago I suppose.

The start of this one is always fast as it's the downhill bit that you get to run up again later. I had been given a firm lecture by Mr Harper to take it steady on such bits and not do my usual headless chicken impression. This meant that the combined ranks of Carn were soon completely out of sight and with the exception of Chris' back I saw nothing more for 13 miles. I'm sure you all had lots of fun.

Theres a downhill, then an up, then a bit more up, then a flatish bit, then getting blown half to death in the lanes and then across the A30 slip road, back across the border, quick passport check and then the uphill bit.

Sam (well, yes MBH but second claim us so he gets a mention) was having a right mare of it….something to do with a bed falling on his leg….so I caught him at 9, only to be caught back at 12. The last two miles of this race are (were??) jolly hard due to the relentless uphill and the fact that your legs just want to fall off. The last one was made somewhat tricker by his relentless chatter urging me to go faster, warning people in front we were "coming through" (even when I was far from convinced that I was!) and generally "encouraging" a lot….that said I took over a minute off from 2 years ago so it must have worked!

Spotted Carol at the bottom of the final hill (that girl has a serious talent for being in just the right place to get the most awful shots of people looking like death) then the final push home. With my motivational coach on my shoulder I managed to catch a few on the hill (probably a first), then cursed somewhat as even once in the park there is still a climb, before finally heading down to the finish. My legs had completely turned to jelly but some Cav style cornering (but without the crash) led me to take out a couple more on the downhill and I turned the final corner to the welcome shouts of the (already back, and probably showered, changed and finished their library books ) mens team and the Hayle crew, legs just about made it to the finish before giving out. Luckily motivational coach was also carrying his inhaler (the action man belt having stayed in place for this run and all the gadgets and appliances were intact) so few blasts of ventolin and felt almost human again (hope this isn't a banned substance would hate to have my fourth in age group taken away! The cruellest position…no prize!)

Had started raining by now so bravely watched everyone else home from the safety of the foyer! I was cheering, girls, honest.

Think Barrie joined me in the just missing out category but from my totally unofficial, no wee tests, and not always able to count properly position it looks like Chris Hodge and Sandie were both up for prizes, so that gives us a 20% return, jolly good really.

Barrie was delighted to amend his: well at least we don't have to do that for another year….comment to: well, we never have to do that again at the end, but a part of me (admittedly not my legs) will feel a little sad that this monster isn't lurking on the schedule for next year.

For those of you more used to Steve's reports I hope this has been long enough and here are a few film references to tide you over until he's back.

The man who went up a hill and came down a mountain (but the other way around)

They shoot horses don't they (was that the title of film or just the soundtrack?)

Er that's it……come back soon Steve.